Seriously though, Bush Pilot Beard Balm is the best. Here's why:
It's non-greasy. It does have oil in it so it'll feel oily initially but what's different about our balm is that it has a faster absorption rate. This means that through the day your hair actually absorbs the balm. Other beard balms use heavy oils like coconut oil which sits on your beard all day and will still be oily 24 hours after you've put it on. It's like you've slathered your face with a piece of pepperoni pizza.
We use better ingredients. Coconut oil is cheap (like $25 a gallon) which is another reason inferior beard balm companies like using it. Our oils cost $65 - $110 per gallon.We buy the right oils for the job (remember we talked about faster absorption rates) and they happen to be expensive! Plus, our beeswax is made fresh from a local Amish farmer who has his own apiary. It's top notch!
It's all natural. Hey, we aren't really hippies (we prefer "Bible Thumpers" or maybe "Gun Slingers") but the fact of the matter is that petroleum products aren't great for your hair. So we don't use them. Simple as that.