Fidget Spinners… Just when you thought society wasn’t stupid enough

Look at me! I have zero capacity for individual thought and expression.

My wife gets tired of hearing me vent about things in life. She has built up a remarkable tolerance to my opinion over the year and a half of marriage but occasionally there comes along a subject that brings upon such spewing of frustration from my mouth (along with the occasional spittle) that even she cannot stand it. Spittle is off putting, I have to give her that. Fidget spinners is one such subject that gets my ire turned up to 11 (an arbitrary number that in this case is really high).

Someone took some bearings and made a thingy which you spin while holding it with your fingers. In any intelligent society that person would have been smacked over the head hard enough to spray spittle over the far wall and told to get a real job. Go muck the stables. Go fall a tree and build a cabin so your family can survive the winter. Go figure out how to beat the crap out of the Third Reich. I can’t really blame someone for exploiting stupid people and making money, however. I get the motivation (even if it’s possibly unethical). But the sad thing is that people actually buy these things. Remember yo-yo’s? At least you could do tricks with them if you practiced and got good at using the toy. That took some intellectual thinking, dedication, practice. What about fidget spinners? The only skill you develop is developing an uncanny ability to be mesmerized by nothing whatsoever. I’d rather go to the park and watch ducks stick their butts in the air as the dive for food. Our society is literally going ga-ga over something that is entirely and utterly pointless, devoid of use, and lacking in any possibility of achievement whatsoever.

If you would take pick a person out of a random group of people 1 year ago, handed them a fidget spinner, and said, “Here, play with this toy” they would’ve fiddled with it for, like, two seconds and then said something like, “What does it do?” or “This toy bleeping sucks.” You take that same person and surround them with people doing the same mindless activity and suddenly that person wants in, no questions asked. Fidget spinners are the ultimate example of herd mentality. If you hand someone a rock and say, “Here, eat this” they would, most likely, object using rational logic such “I’ll break my teeth,” or “Rocks taste like dirt,” or even “I don’t have dental insurance.” Even if you held a Smith & Wesson .454 Cassull to their head and demanded they eat rocks, they would likely still fervently object. If you would, five minutes later, surround them with a herd of people gnawing like rabid beavers on chunks of limestone, that same person would experience a sudden shift in attitude and would be happily gnawing on limestone chunks. Vendors would set up booths at fairs and carnivals selling limestone chunks in different sizes, consistencies, and colors. There would be tutorials on YouTube on how to chew limestone properly. Concrete would be impossible to get because all the limestone would be consumed by people madly following a fad.

Remember when kids build balsa wood replicas of Piper Cubs that actually flew? Or when they would make their own slingshots with bike tubes and forked sticks. Then they would go shoot each other in the eyes with clods of dirt. You learned teamwork, biology, and how to dress wounds. You would forge friendships, enemies, and territories. You would advance, get beaten back, and learn to push against adversity. They would also build replica’s of pirate ships (which required them to learn history, patience, and the mechanics of water tension). Now our kids sit in circles and spin things in circles – LITERALLY. They would learn more watching TV or playing video games. We reduced their capacity of achievement to sitting in puddles of drool and watching pieces of plastic spin in circles. Watching a 48 hour marathon of “The Simpsons” is literally more intellectually challenging than getting good at fidget spinning.

After playing with a fidget spinner for two hours, I suddenly find “The Simpsons” to be intellectually challenging.

If a war breaks out with America, the Communists will storm the shores and find a bunch of slack jawed morons sitting in circles spinning fidget spinners. They’ll look at each other, scratch their heads, and will wonder “These people beat us to the moon?” I’m concerned folks. Grow a beard, build a chair or table (or something equally useful), learn to sharpen an axe, raise some animals, learn to hunt, do something – PLEASE – that gives you some real satisfaction and a reason to be here with your God given talents.

– end rant.

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